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Melissa Stetten: Lost in Translation.

@MelissaStetten

These days beautiful women seem to have some unrealistic expectations forced upon them. Don’t get me wrong this isn’t "a pity party for the pretty," but recently I’ve noticed it’s getting a little out of hand. Remember how Megan Fox was vilified as “ungrateful” because of her cheeky (but genuine) opinion of a certain (borderline misogynist, sorry), director? Then when being dragged through paparazzi, she wasn’t cordial enough to a young fan baring blooms? Honestly, wouldn’t you have wanted to get the f$%k out that camera riot too? Then the defiant ones (Giselle defending her Tom), are quickly labeled as behaving "inappropriately." I’m not encouraging anyone to deliberately act like a douche, but did I miss the requirement that “the good looking who possess a vagina, should remain constantly gracious no matter what?” If the shoe were on the other (gender’s) foot, would it be the same? The answer is, most likely not. Or how about if the woman in question was average looking, would that be an issue or merely the butt of a joke? 

One such incident came to my attention a few months ago, I didn’t mind too much though because it introduced me to an excellent writer. Melissa a professional model, who’s blog pokes irreverent fun at herself and the industry she works in, dared to mock a cheesy man-baby. A slightly (allegedly) beer-buzzed-buffoon, who was hitting on her. Like any other twentysomething today, she did so in real time, via Twitter. Then, it went viral. Not because she’s a bit of a saucy minx, with a killer wit. Mostly because as it turns out, this "married" actor was a born again, father of two. He also happened to be a recovering alcoholic, doh! Some (idiots) were outraged not by him, but by her and her audacity. How dare she! a)Not make small talk with a man she had absolutely no interest in or b)Tweet he removed his wedding ring and drank a beer! Sacrilege!!! Many could argue that it may have been a simple matter of perception, but one would imagine if this were a genuine case of slander, he would have taken action beyond FB. Surely there’s a flight full of passengers who would corroborate? I for one thought the Tweets funny and probably very true. It also got me wondering, can you imagine the responses if she’d been a tipsy older woman hitting on a male model that was uninterested? Ah the delightful double standard, hoorah! So that’s how my initial fascination with Melissa Stetten began. Yet it’s her ability to bare her soul, flaws and shortcomings so hilariously, that keeps me coming back for more. She’s also kind of adorable. Even when discovering her ex was cheating on her with a younger woman (she was in her early 20s at the time! sigh) she refused to hide the truth, no matter how embarrassing the event. You mean to say a professional model, can not only get cheated on, but can be equally as ungracious and irritable as the rest of us mid-flight?  Yes, thank God!

Do you think that your sense of humor is misunderstood?

I think most people can tell I’m joking on my blog, most of the time. I did post that my ex cheated on me with a 17 year old, that was funny yes—but not a joke. Just weird shit that happened, I like being completely honest.

If you were a man for the day, living or dead, who would you like to be?

I would say, my initial reaction is I’d be my boyfriend to see what I was like to have sex with(laughing loudly). That’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever said, I think. I also would have his body parts at hand too. 

You could spend hours masturbating!!

Oh my (cackling) 

I wonder if I went a bit too far there?

Last film you saw at the cinema.

"Moonrise Kingdom." It was amazing, I LOVED it!!

Who are you loving musically right now?

Radiohead, which is probably everybody’s favorite band right? LCD Sound System. I just saw "Shut Up and Play The Hits." They’ve retired now I think(giggles).

Who are you not so keen on?

I don’t really like "Foster The People" too much. I dunno, I just don’t like them, for some reason they annoy me. 

 

Besides being a model, you are also an aspiring writer and photographer?

Yep, I actually went to school for photography, but now it’s more of a hobby. I moved to L.A. to pursue writing, I’ve been writing a book proposal based on my blog, I would love to write a TV show too. A dark comedy. 

In a lot of your self-portraits you look strewn, like a lifeless body, why?

That was a final project for my photo class, the idea was a fashion crime scene. Sort of influenced by Cindy Sherman’s portraits. 

Not as scary though. 

Yes, but still “is she posing or is she dead? Maybe?” (laughing). It’s a bit dark I suppose. 

I find with some of the really attractive comics, they aren’t encouraged on American TV shows, to really have fun with the natural fluctuations of life. 

That seems to be the case sometimes, to reinforce the false idea that if you look good, you face no problems in life. As opposed to "if you are a human, all humans have ups and downs." 

Not that I don’t think you can’t be really pretty and hilarious too, but in sit-com world, it’s been a while since we’ve watched someone experiencing Roseanne & Dan style, normal, everyday, set backs. 

Not to say miserable people are funnier, but “real” situations can be. 

Worst date in your life so far?

This year, when I was still in NY. I met him on Twitter.

Ooh no, that’s a bad start luv.

Apparently. I’d met a couple that way (whispered under her breath). We hung out and I guess he was nervous, because he ended up telling me that he shaves his eyebrows. Why would you tell me that on a first date?

(Melissa has a way of retelling a story, so it sounds like she’s genuinely trying to figure what the heck happened. A sprinkling of questions, with the hopeful tone that you may catch something she missed).

Like 70s Bowie, completely off?

No, no, he shaved shapes. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!!

Was he as creepy as he sounds, or just a nice guy with no social skills? 

You know, he was a ‘lil creepy yeah. 

(NB Don’t go on dates with people you meet online, you think it will be fine, but it never is).

Have you looked through our MIMP site yet? Thoughts?

Well I was actually already followed the site, I’m a fan. I particularly liked how the girls don’t wear a ton of make-up, they are just in their skivvies hanging out with a record player, or their cat. There’s something super sexy about that. 

Anything particular stand out. 

There was a girl Brittany Mason, I really loved her in her NY apartment. She’s adorable.

You are very open and honest on your blog (even with that whole Brian Presley debacle), and I’m glad you weren’t affected by some people’s over reaction. 

Half of the responses thought it was funny(guys too), thought it was awesome that I pointed out "I actually did" notice the ring removal. Some of the comments that were negative, thought I was horrible for exposing him.

Like it was a minor faux pas on his part, why embarrass him about it?

Or what his children might think, but that’s not my fault. I’m not married, I don’t have children, if I did I wouldn’t behave like that. 

(Unfortunately, that’s his wife’s).

Furthermore as a single woman, I don’t feel that you should have to have a conversation with anyone that you don’t want toespecially on a flight! 

One or two comments insinuated, “well, what did I expect?” That I should have been flattered and polite (regardless that he was married) and just chat with him. Or that the “classy” thing to do would be, not to Tweet about it. 

(Actually the classy thing to do would be him to keep his ring on and not fall off the wagon trying to chat up a young model. Just saying’.)

What about if you were a homely woman with him being a good looking actor, would he be “expected” to talk to you? 

Oh, definitely not.

It was such an awful routine, such complete L.A. behavior, name dropping sigh. That’s almost worst than him being a born-again-Christian-recovering-alcoholic or married. Snark, snark, I’m kidding. Sort of. 

Yeah, cause I didn’t recognize him. I don’t know what every working actor in L.A. looks like, I just live here. Others thought I made it up, because if you are gonna make up a story, make it up about a random actor that people may not know, right? ‘Cause that makes the most sense. To be honest I initially felt a little bit bad, when I found out “oh he really is married still” (he told her he was separated). Then I thought no, he was the one being a creep. And at that time I only had 10k (*FN-that’s a lot to me!) Twitter followers from my blog. So it wasn’t in my mind that it would go viral, that takes millions you know. Also who would care? Then when the media picked up on it, that’s when it started getting sent around.

What’s your true hearts desire?

(She’s cracking up, I’m really glad she doesn’t take any of this too seriously). 

My true heart’s desire eh? You know Lena Durham. Girls. I love that she writes, directs and creates that whole world. If I could do that, a TV comedy about certain aspects of my job and life. That would be it for sure. 

Biggest disappoint in life to date?

That I’m experiencing right now, is I moved out here to pursue the writing more, which I’m doing more. Even if I’m on Twitter everyday,  so that’s good. Work wise though, I’m not booking anything. That’s my job, what pays the rent. I haven’t gotten a single job. Which is a shift, because you come from N.Y., use to working, working, working, lots of clients, then I’m here. I’m going to castings, but nothing. No work. That’s been disappointing, not working as much as before. 

L.A. is a weird place for modeling I think, compared to NYC. 

It’s so weird though. I have great friends here, which I love, but it’s different. 

(She’s only been here a few months mind you, she should give herself more of a chance). 

Strangest casting you have been on?

I had an audition for a hot pockets commercial, where I had to pretend to eat a hot pocket, that was really hot. I had that moment, so this is what I’m doing with my life, ok. 

Last question, quick word association round.

a) Bubblegum

um, um, I’m really bad at this game. mmmm maybe bubbles.

b) Sexy 

ah, oh…

there’s no right or wrong answer, whatever comes to mind first. 

underwear?

c) Handsome

Ryan Gosling! 

d) Bunny 

Hippity Hoppety? (laughing loudly)

I hope Melissa gives herself a few months to settle in to La La Land, we need more like her out here. That being said if I do read any more vitriol directed towards her harmless (and funny Tweets), by any other baby-menses, I warn ye all now. I WILL find you in the wee hours and do something actually, painful and shocking to you. Which no doubt I will thoroughly enjoy, Mwah-hah-ha-ha!  Firestarter!!, Voodoo, Voodoo, Magic People! yada, yada! (Rubbing my villainous hands together in twisted glee).

(Source: app.meinmyplace.com)

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